kissable and quiet

o0blacknblue0o @ 2006-07-27T00:45:00

2006-07-27T04:46:33Z

i have spent 50 dollars on books in the last week, old and new....

sometimes life is better when youre buried under books.

could i be anymore carrie bradshaw?

2006-05-06T18:58:37Z

things i have learned about new jersy...
a "u" turn means going around the block
nothing underneath my hotel is less than fifteen dollars...including a sandwich.
... i had more, then i started watching sex and the city. now im distracted. bye.

o0blacknblue0o @ 2006-04-16T20:41:00

2006-04-17T00:42:53Z

my head is a mess that REALLY needs "spring cleaning"

the end

o0blacknblue0o @ 2006-03-18T23:06:00

2006-03-19T04:07:10Z

i want to fuck you.

o0blacknblue0o @ 2006-02-16T20:47:00

2006-02-17T01:48:05Z

i now know what its like to have everything and have nothing at the same time.

BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE

2006-02-04T06:24:57Z

its amazing how great a night i had, aside from drunken hypothetical questions and unknown men saying "whats up." on the bus, this boy john i have never met, memorizes our names and makes us play the quiet game and throw up rocaway hand signals. AMAZING.... he was awesome. marissa missed one and hed say "Marissa, that was too slow, come on marissa" in a drunken slur. that was the best 10 minute bus ride ever. John, whereever you are... you rule.

o0blacknblue0o @ 2006-01-27T15:28:00

2006-01-27T20:28:58Z

this is me taking back the bad things i said about karma.
karma = my friend

o0blacknblue0o @ 2005-12-13T19:05:00

2005-12-14T00:05:43Z

just when you think you have karma figured out... it comes around and kicks you in the teeth.

o0blacknblue0o @ 2005-12-04T17:30:00

2005-12-04T22:31:23Z

Just because you can't hope, doesn't mean you can't hurt.

o0blacknblue0o @ 2005-12-03T13:52:00

2005-12-03T18:54:05Z

god damn it. i am addicted to lifetime movies.

I was determined, but I dug my teeth into my knees and settled for livejournal..

2005-11-30T02:31:14Z

i have noticed a pattern in my livejournal updates. they all seem to be short pointless entires which are only posted for the intention of one of my "friends" to read. i want to begin writing real entires like the ones i read, but alas i have not mastered being vague enough to get away with it. until i master such an important skill (when it comes to livejournal...you can only get in trouble), you will have to suffer with the garbage i write. i apologize in advance.
this past week i have been a little "off". i dont know exactly what triggered it, and im sure that my new found obsession with Fevers & Mirrors is not exactly helping. i am back at school and i almost hate that fact. i like being home because i have so many people there to see and hang out with and have wonderful conversations with. here i feel like all i do is watch sex and the city, work like the bookworm i am, and eat. until october break i used to watch movies or play scrabble every night. perhaps i have lost my motivation to be social... or maybe its the amount of drama. i feel encompassed by it. i dont think i even had this much in high school. then it was all gossip... who did this, who did that, who did the boy in your math class. now it is a collection of people hiding what is really bothing them from the people they most need to express it to, all because of fear and that sense that no one really cares. i have a drastic amount of that attitude within myself.
however, i know the cure... at least in my case. i want to re-evaluate my relationship with everyone i know. my friends here, my friends at home, my friends at work, boys i like, boys i used to like, boys i think i might like (its me... there are always boys involved), and people whom i havent talked to in what feels like years. i just have this strong desire to know EXACTLY how people regard me. not because of self-esteem issues, or because i plan on changing in any way. just for my personal use. it is good to know where you stand with everyone.
unfortunately this is harder than it sounds. sometimes the truth scares me too much. and i know that it would be hard for the people i "question" to explain. i dont think i could put into words how i feel about half the people i know...even if it is only the best of feelings. and this is the cause of my suffering, at least for now.

if anyone reads this and is feeling brave, id love to hear how you view our "relationship". if not, its cool, we can still be friends.

o0blacknblue0o @ 2005-11-08T22:34:00

2005-11-09T03:36:40Z

i realised while sitting outside the library that to me college is an extremely lonely place. i feel like i am in a constant "spaced out" state. the weirdest part is that i dont mind being crazy.
all i can think about is garden state where he talks about home and how it doesnt really exist.
i need to watch that movie.

Ps- Jamison parker broke up two weeks before they fucking come to syracuse. JAMISON PARKER, swallow a knife... i hate you.

o0blacknblue0o @ 2005-11-05T02:11:00

2005-11-05T07:11:55Z

http://www.buzolich.com/indecorum/2003/positive-pals/

if i ever forget this may i choke on a huge cock.

o0blacknblue0o @ 2005-10-30T20:44:00

2005-10-31T01:43:22Z

i refuse to join the fan club.

o0blacknblue0o @ 2005-10-19T12:23:00

2005-10-19T16:31:26Z

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

said sam's brain.

leave it to chuck to take the words out of my mouth.

2005-09-24T02:52:03Z

I am jack's inflamed sense of rejection.

I am jack's broken heart.

o0blacknblue0o @ 2005-09-06T08:04:00

2005-09-06T12:13:29Z

i hate that my journal entries are so meaningless. i want to open up like everyone else but a few bad experiences has stopped that. i have so much to say. so many questions to ask... and im suddenly mute. i wish someone had warned me about the problems i would drag with me away from syracuse. about the fact that nothing ever really leaves you, but when you are in a normal setting it doesnt seem as bad. i feel kind of empty. i feel like i dont belong here... but at the same time i feel like i REALLY dont belong at home. is it possible to be homesick without wanting to go home? syracuse doesnt even feel like home to me already... and oneonta is too new to be anything. i feel like i am just drifting between one bad situation and the next. how can one person be so unhappy doing something they have dreamed of for months?

5 questions of the day...

2005-08-12T05:32:01Z

1. Are some things really worth returning if you know it holds more memories for you than its intended owner?
2. Why do i always seem to dream about the one thing i try so desperately to get off my mind?
3. After what period of time without any communication, do you no longer consider a person your friend?
4. If you only had a week to visit all of your friends and see your boyfriend... who would be priority?
5. If you dont feel at all ready for college.. does that mean you arent?

gasp

2005-06-17T04:05:29Z

twenty points for the best way to lead into a kiss.

Only In Dreams

2005-03-20T01:38:47Z

i had an extremely weird dream last night that got me thinking. in a nut shell, (in the dream...) i got frustrated and screamed at someone for ignoring my feelings about them till i was blue in the face. then i got drunk on jello shots and cried and cried and cried. they came to comfort me. i kept crying and i told them everything ive ever wanted to. when i woke up this morning i couldnt open my eyes because of the amount of eyecrusties i had. i must have actually been crying in my sleep. i havent thought about this person "like that" in a while. now im just wondering if i ever really got over them... which leads me into wondering if i ever really get over a lot of things... which leads me to question what i still care about in the very bottom of my toes... which makes me wish that it was warmer out and i could go for a walk. i need to do what i do best... think too much.
on a side note... ive had my ipod for alittle over 3 months and its dead. beware.
i think i want a shuffle. they are so small. its cute.

please comment

2005-02-27T07:19:37Z

does anyone have a song that reminds them of liking someone? i know thats kind of vague but i dont mean a song that reminds you of someone... a song that reminds you of the feeling you get when you like someone. i am intrested to know this. share yours if you have one. mine is quite weird.... "where is my mind?"- the pixies. we all knew i was odd tho.

o0blacknblue0o @ 2005-02-23T16:12:00

2005-02-23T21:21:03Z

my adventure so far..... woke up at 3:30am. plane. land. vomit. grocery store. cousin's house.subway. central park. pictures of gates. MoMA. pictures of art work. wandering around the city. subway again. canal street. shopping. subway again. food. secretary. bed at 11. wake up. salvation army. bread shop. thrift store. manuel's house for dinner. SPRITE TROPICAL REMIX. times square. pictures of times square. central park at night. pictures on the ride home. home. ray. bed. wake up. eat coco puffs. shower. bus. wandering around queens. thrift store. bagel the size of my head. wandering around queens. walk home with ashley. take pictures on the way home. now watching eternal sunshine with ashley and manuel. king china buffet for dinner? my vacation is half over. sad times. it will be nice to come home tho.

o0blacknblue0o @ 2005-02-19T22:26:00

2005-02-20T03:33:35Z

man its been so long since i updated... how is everyone? good i hope. i have been painting murals since oneonta so... ive been occupied. i like to paint. i heard rumors about jimmie eat world playing in ithaca. and the soco and straylight run in ithaca as well. danny, do you have knowledge of this? i fly to nyc on monday morning.i will probably update while im there with the events of my week. <3

random repulsive thought

2005-01-27T19:23:18Z

kyle.... gag. what was i thinking back then? what am i thinking half the time???? i really need to assign someone the job of following me around and making sure that i stop making dumb decisions, or atleast keep me away from some of the boys that for whatever reason i find attractive. if you would like this task... comment. payment available, and depends on applicant. i am an E.O.E.

o0blacknblue0o @ 2005-01-24T13:15:00

2005-01-24T18:13:56Z

i am hurting. why must life be so unjust? why must i care so much? i liked it better when my heart was breaking, not when i was breaking others. i need to find something that i can make me happy. or i need to hurry up and leave this all behind. this must be why you go to college... to escape.